Diet Log: The Day After Day 5

In case you're wondering what happened after I left you last night, I'm going to tell you. I finished typing my last few sentences about guilt and despair and was poised to lay in bed counting my extra rolls until sleep descended upon me when Helmut came in and literally pulled my leg until I got out of bed and went to work out with him in our garage.

Two and a half years ago we set up our garage as a home gym. We were ready to get fit, at home, in the luxury of our own garage...never mind that the temperature in there is 100+ degrees in the summer. Week 1 went stupendously, I was down a few pounds and feeling GREAT, week 2 I found out I was pregnant with Mariah. Week two day 2 was probably the last time we used that home gym. I spent the next 9 months laying on the couch in between outings with Hayden and after that, labor, back injury, and lots of sissy whining.....which brings us to last week.....

I was having lunch with a good friend from church when we got on the subject of blood type characteristics. After that discussion I went home and researched the Blood Type Diet. What I found was many many unhappy participants who said it was a joke, and had been dis-proven as a myth, blah blah blah, so when I found the actual official website I was ready to laugh my way through the blood type descriptions and scoff at anyone gullible enough to actually trust that kind of blather. DUN DUN DUN. Then I proceeded to read an incredibly accurate description of myself, so specific at times it was scary. It was in fact so accurate that upon reading it I was certain that my mother and myself must share a blood type....that is, type O. The next day I texted my parents who confirmed my suspicions.

One of the more important and constructive things I took out of it was that when I feel like I'm getting grouchy, to go exercise......which finally brings me to yesterday. We went to the garage, cleaned out the chicken's box, rigged up some special lighting for them, then I got on the elliptical trainer and did 1 full minute of intense cardio before realizing it was 11pm and I was exhausted, so I came back inside and went to bed. Anticlimactic i know, but at least i didn't cheat on my diet!

Diet Log: Day 5 Doldrums

Yes, you read that title correctly. I'm back on the diet "horse." After taking a 6 month break....let's call it a break, I've finally gotten really REALLY sick of my waistline again. I tried starting up the diet about 6 weeks ago, and was doing so well I was just getting ready to blog about my triumphant 5 lb weight loss when we got invited over to a friends house for dinner. That doesn't sound terribly threatening....and indeed it wasn't until the hostess asked me to bring some Brie. Brrriiiieeeeee. Say that out loud in a breathy, sultry sort of voice. It's not as if I've never had brie before. In fact I'd had it several times and quite liked it each time. I guess I had never built up the temerity to buy it myself, and here someone was asking me to buy it and giving me an excuse to go looking for it. So i went to the grocery store and hunted until i found it, bought it, took it to the party, and enjoyed it on my crusty french bread along with some pretty spectacular Beef Bourguignon.

I happened to buy a whole extra cheese, so after the party the hostess handed me the extra cheese and I took it home and stuck it in the fridge. That was the beginning of a very indulgent 6 week love affair with brie. I'm not going to say how many wedges or different types of brie i tried in that time, because frankly it's embarrassing. Let's just say I'm trying to keep my grubby mitts away from the specialty cheese section until the last 10 lbs of weight are lost. Oh yeah, i gained back that whole 5 lbs in two weeks and added 2 more lbs before I finally realized that Brie slathered on french bread for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, is not diet friendly.

Today is day 5 back on the diet and I've definitely hit the 5th day slump. Day's 1 and 2 I was patting myself on the back as the pounds were flying off, day 3 I figured the scale needed a break, day 4 I was not excited about the stop in weight loss, but not depressed. Then I hit day 5. Day 5 seems to be a real deal breaker for me EVERY SINGLE TIME. Three days of an unrelenting scale have put a frown on my face and a small chip on my shoulder. I hate it when the scale is mean, and let's face it, it's the scales fault. It has NOTHING to do with my chocolate obsession. I'm supposed to be exercising right now, to try and budge the scale, but I've decided to write this instead to make myself feel really really ridiculous in front of people just in case I am tempted to cheat tonight....which I always am on Day 5. So there you go. If you don't get anymore diet updates for a while it's because I've cheated and I'm really embarrassed.

Diet Log: This is Getting Old

I've completely lost count of the weeks that I've been on a diet. I keep them marked religiously on the calendar as which days I have done it and which I haven't so I have a pretty good idea of how this month has gone.....bad. The good news is, I haven't gained any weight back, the bad news, I've starved half of the month and not lost a thing.

I'm not really frustrated, because this time around I figured out pretty quickly that mediocrity would not get results. The other times I've done this I must have had a faster metabolism....or been eating much less than I thought, because I was able to get away with little cheats. This time it's not happening, if I even make eye contact with chocolate cake I will put on a few pounds (who knew cake even had eyes??). Having visible proof of my lack of discipline (the calendar) helps with keeping the frustration at bay, but not the annoyance, lack of self-respect, impatience, or disgust with myself.

Seriously, how hard is it to stick to a diet for 3 more weeks? THREE MORE WEEKS?!!??!

On a good note, I went to Old Navy and tried on a bunch of clothes yesterday, and they've either made their sizes bigger (which wouldn't surprise me), or I'm much smaller than I think.

Diet Log: Blargety Blarg

I guess it's time for an update on the diet front. I've been avoiding posting an update lately because I haven't been doing so good. I still have 6 lbs left to lose. I was REALLY hoping to be done with this before Mariah's first birthday, but unless a miracle happens I'm going to miss my target by at least 3 weeks. I have been told by a few people that you have until the babies first birthday to lose the pregnancy weight, after that you're just considered a slacker. A chunky slacker. A chunky lazy slacker. Blarg.

The good news is I can now easily fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans again. That's makes it very tempting not to just give up and accept the extra weight.....at least until I'm done nursing at which point I plan to starve myself just because I can. I've been pregnant and/or nursing for 3.5 years now and have not had the luxury of being able to skip multiple meals and voluntarily starve. I also look forward to caffeine binges and the occasional diet drink.

Diet Log: Ulceritititus or Something Else Equally Troubling

I completely lost count of what week I'm supposed to be on for my diet. Let's just say this is week 8 of 12. I had lost 14 lbs, up until my Dad came for a visit. We partied and at cheesecake like there was no tomorrow and I happily gained 2 lbs back. Since my Dad left I've been bummed out and as a result I broke my own cardinal rule and ate way more than any human being should be allowed to eat....at night. So I've had a few set backs in the past two weeks. I started over on Friday and have been doing okay since then. I appear to have hit a plateau which is unbelievably frustrating, but I've decided I would rather starve forever and remain at the same weight than slowly gain it all back.

I am starting to rave again at nights and beg Helmut to take me out for cheeseburgers and milkshakes. Today he told me he's pretty sure I must be pregnant again because the only time I crave cheeseburgers is when I'm carrying children in mah bellay (if that just went over your head you probably need to watch Austin Powers). My response: DO I LOOK LIKE I'M PREGNANT?! If I still do this diet must not be working or my husband has very little perception of my changing shape....or I haven't lost enough weight yet for people to notice...crap.

I also appear to have picked up an ulcer somewhere along the way. I'm not 100% sure that's what it is, but that's the easiest explanation for what I'm feeling. It's a steady burning gnawing pain in my belly that's been there for 7 weeks now. Some days it doesn't hurt at all, other days it drives me crazy. When my Dad was visiting it mysteriously disappeared for 2 weeks, only to start back up with a vengeance on Saturday and stay until this morning.

I found a home remedy for healing ulcers that involves drinking 1 liter of cabbage juice a day for 10 days. Up until this morning I found the idea too repulsive to try. I also had buried my juicer in a moving box 9 months ago and thought it would be impossible to find (note to self: don't pack your stuff 9 months before you sell your house).

After enduring the pain for 2.5 days [read: an eternity], I dug through the boxes in the garage, found my juicer and prepared a cabbage juice cocktail for Hayden and I. It was as awful tasting as it sounds. I downed 2 cups with only a little bit of gagging, while Hayden drank his, periodically letting me know how much he didn't like it. The relief was instantaneous. Almost unreal. I was so skeptical about the remedy that i could hardly believe when it worked. Granted the burning gnawing pain was replaced by a little nausea. It has been 12 hours now since I drank it and the pain is still gone. I had planned on drinking more tonight if it came back, but I guess I'll reserve that pleasure for tomorrow morning.

Diet Log

Well, my face is still grossly disfigured, but enough about that. I'm going to give an update on my diet.

I've officially been starving every single night (except 3) for 4.5 weeks now. I've lost 10.5 miserable pounds of baby weight. I was originally shooting for 15, but now I'm thinking I may as well stay in it for the long haul and get the last 5 off as well. So my new goal is 20 pounds. That means I've got 9.5 pounds left and I'm estimating about 8 more weeks of being on a diet.

The first couple of days were the most difficult, but now that I'm in the rhythm my body has gotten used to it and I'm not as hungry. I feel good about myself and really good about getting rid of the muffin top.

In case you're curious I'm going to outline my diet below:

Disclaimer: this in not a diet for people who are trying to get "healthy." It does not endorse exercise or good eating habits. It's for people who want to lose weight without changing their main food groups i.e. pizza, chocolate, what have you.

There is only 1 rule on this diet. That's what makes it so easy. DON'T EAT AFTER 3PM.
That's it. That's the WHOLE diet. Eat whatever you want before that. For example, today I ate cheesecake for breakfast (I know I'm incorrigible) and a bunch of egg tacos for lunch. I should probably say though that if you break the 1 and only rule you will in fact GAIN weight. Should you try this diet, DO NOT break that rule or you'll be sorry.

Chocolate Gelato

I should have known this was coming when I got him his very own
chocolate gelato. This was followed by a quick transformation into a
Tasmanian devil that I chased willy nilly around Whole Foods
Market. Upon our arrival home I was treated to the biggest tantrum I've endured from him in at least 6 months. I blame it on a combination of too much sugar and teething (and most certainly NOT bad parenting).

We're still trying to make it through the arrival of some new molars. They appear to be causing him quite a bit of pain. Yesterday he woke up from his nap screaming and crying that his teeth were hurting so I broke down and gave him Tylenol.

In completely unrelated news, I'm back on my starvation diet trying hard to shed the last 15 of the 45 pounds I gained during my pregnancy with Mariah. This means I eat breakfast and lunch and a snack and then around 3pm I stop eating and don't eat until breakfast the following morning. It's a tough diet to stick too, but easier for me than counting calories or following certain food groupings. It also helped me shed the 45 pounds I gained with Hayden and in High School a fabulous 15 pounds that I had hanging on me for apparently no reason.....except maybe my obsession with chocolate.