Monday, September 14, 2009

The Reckoning

Today was supposed to be a cleaning/baking day with LOTS on the agenda. We're getting ready for my dad to come and stay with us for a week to help us fix up our house so we can sell it. Normally, we don't have an agenda beyond taking naps, eating lunch and wading through the daily poopy diapers, which have been cut in half (yay!). So today was a stretch for us.....Correction: for me. Last night I went to bed 3 minutes earlier than usual in anticipation of the big day ahead. After tossing for the next 2 hours (a direct result of an afternoon nap and a latte), I finally drifted off to sweet slumber. This lasted approximately 7 minutes, at which time Hayden found his way into our room and climbed into bed. The rest of the night was spent fending off toddler kicks and punches in my sleep. It's all pretty hazy but I remember my back taking quite a beating, and when Helmut finally woke me up in the morning all I could think to say was "I'm pretty sure I have bruises all over my back.....goodbye, have a nice day at work."

I managed to shuffle around and start getting things done in my sleep deprived stupor, although I'll admit my mood was not good. If I'm being honest I'm fairly certain I resembled Cruella Devil. Hayden has a way of sensing my moods and instead of helping me so I will be less irritated, he takes his time and tries to press each of my buttons individually so that the end result is usually close to an atomic explosion.

After lunch the kids and I had to go to the grocery story to buy some last minute food items and a chair. Random I know. When we first got married Helmut and I bought a table with 2 chairs for our dining room. We never thought that we might need more than that. Now we regret it. We've ALWAYS needed more than that. Case in point, we needed another chair for my dad to sit on while he's here so we can eat dinner together. So I took the kids and went to Walmart to get a folding chair.

Before we even entered the store I could tell it was going to be a battle with Hayden. He started by throwing a tantrum about having to sit in the basket (not the place with the safety belt that's where Mariah sits, we're talking the basket where the food items go). After threatening him with the loss of candy for LIFE he gave in and got in the basket, but proceeded to sit on his knees and hang over the end nearly giving me a heart attack. I insisted multiple times that he sit ON HIS REAR END IMMEDIATELY PENDING SUDDEN DOOM, but not even that worked. Then to be helpful he started randomly grabbing objects and adding them to the cart, and in turn removing objects that I added and throwing them out of the cart. At this point the steam was starting to issue forth from my ears and I was beginning to audibly seethe. I'm pretty sure I glared down several other shoppers for smiling in our general direction. How dare they...

Then we got to the place where they sell the folding chairs. I added a folding chair to the basket and wedged it into the side so that it couldn't be removed with anything less than the jaws of life, definitely NOT toddler fingers. That didn't appear to trouble Hayden. He sat next to it on his knees and began to bang on the metal seat and howl like a banshee....and that's how we exited the store. Somehow in my rage I was able to get through the automatic check out station where he halfway dismantled the scanner, with only a few mutterings of "are you kidding me?!"...and make it to the car where I nearly gauged out my own eyeballs in my rage.

Once we were all in the car I informed him of the massive spanking he would receive upon arriving home, and as I drove away I marvelled at the beauty of having to drive 10 minutes to get home before administering said spanking. I had 10 full minutes of relative quiet to take cleansing breaths and put my thoughts in order, dissipating the anger and leaving a semi-rational person in it's stead.

I did give him a spanking, because really what kind of mother would I be if I didn't do as promised, and there can be absolutely no question as to whether or not it was deserved. He took it well, cried a little, said he was sorry, and promised never to behave in such a fashion again (my words not his).

The remainder of the day went comparatively well. We completely most projects and are now awaiting my dad. I'm seriously hoping for some better sleep tonight though....seriously.

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